I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
