Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize