Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
