this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
