I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
a search helicopter?!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
