At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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