i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
