come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
