I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She needs sedatives and a leash
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
