At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
