...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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