11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
