My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize