Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
