she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
