Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
