did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
