how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
