Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
