So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Soap is not a condiment
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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