Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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