It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
