Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
