so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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