I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
