i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
