I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
