you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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