I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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