its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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