Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
