sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
