I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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