Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
