I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
