you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
