Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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