it hurts more in the daytime
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
