And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
