I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
A bitchslap is in order.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize