You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
