If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
