Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Please don't give away my fajitas
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
