you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
