got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
