I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
