Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So many bounce houses so little time
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
