Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
