..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
