ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
