You're completely useless in the revolution.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
what day is it and did you see me today?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize