but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
