i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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