so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
