why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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