he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
