I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
