i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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