he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
