I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
