So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
