Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Two words: blizzard sex
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
