Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
