Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
